A Bacon Revolution

Since I converted to eating according to the Atkins plan, I have been trying to find a way to work more bacon into my diet. Bacon, with its high protein and fat (plus plenty of salt), and no carbohydrates, is an example of a perfect Atkins food. But it is so hard to prepare, and to clean up afterwards.

While I was grilling salmon (one of the fattiest fishes, mmmm ...) on my new Weber gas barbecue, I had an inspiration. With sudden clarity, I could see that it should be possible to grill bacon directly on the grates. If it worked, it would probably be the shortest possible path between having bacon and eating it.

But as I obsessed about the idea, I realized that it was far from guaranteed. So many things could go wrong. And what technique should I use? This is when I remembered that barbecue freaks abound on the internet, and many of them must have gone this way before.

Of course, I would have to treat whatever information I found skeptically, because, as reported in a recent Onion article, a factual error has been found on the internet. While it appears to have been an isolated case, it does cast some doubt on everything else.

Google didn't seem to be finding what I wanted. Lots of recipes for bacon and shrimp (-shrimp got rid of that clutter). Many griddles and devices for cooking bacon on a barbecue just like you do on a stove. But the whole point was to get beyond that. I can tell when a web search is going somewhere and when it's not, and after a few minutes it was clear that Google wasn't going to find it.

I could not believe that no one had tried this before. The essential concept was so clear that a search should have found it. I even Asked Jeeves, "How do you cook bacon on a barbecue?" and found it useless, as usual. But the idea is so potentially important that, having tried this, it seemed unlikely that someone would not immediately write about it on the net. So, it must not have been tried before.

I had a pound of bacon in the fridge already, for the weekend. It took some restraint not to grill it up for dinner Friday, but I decided to sleep on it, and do a little more research, including looking at the Weber manual and cookbook. Nothing to be found.

Saturday morning was too busy with baby Cassie as Bonnie was out of the house, and we had a nanny interview around noon. The bacon was still plenty fresh and would wait until Sunday.

Sunday morning, I made coffee, Bonnie and I fed Cassie, and I got out the bacon. I figured it would be too much to make eggs while trying this experiment, so breakfast would be just bacon and coffee, with heavy cream. If the bacon is cooked well you can eat a lot of it without getting queasy.

There were so many unknowns, and possible paths to try and retry, but the potential payoff was huge. I felt like Lewis and Clark trying to invent the light bulb. I figured a pre-heated, low heat grill would be best, at least safest, and lit up the Weber. I starting peeling the bacon out, two strips at a time, and then separating them, according to the Joy of Cooking. The bacon separated easily and laid flat across the grates without tangling, as if it realized that this was the way to go all along. The whole pack fit on the grill comfortably - a pound and half would be possible, maybe even two, if this worked.

Pretty soon, grease was dripping, then raining down onto the stainless flavorizer (tm) bars. A grease fire seemed almost physically impossible, because the grease either evaporates on the bars or drips right away into a pan well below the fires. If somehow the bacon itself caught fire, though, it would be spectacular, spread out as it was. Maybe this is why no one who had been here before was able to write about it.

The flavorizers did their job, generating intense smoke that hung low in the quiet morning (it was very early). I realized that here was something new I didn't anticipate. The smoked bacon was being smoked again in its own smoke. If it were possible, this would not only be the easiest way to cook bacon, but the tastiest; a win-win. When the usual compromises are thrown out, and multiple dimensions of flavor, speed, ease, and cleaning improve simultaneously, it is reasonable to call it a revolution.

What about turning the bacon? Unlike the oven, the grill would cook one side at a time. I got a knot in my stomach, realizing that the bacon would stick to the stainless grates the way it can to a stainless pan. But the grates were so well-seasoned, i.e. rarely cleaned, that the bacon lifted right off, using tongs. It was beautifully browned on the bottom, and coming along nicely on the top already, as it fried in its own fat. But to get both sides perfect, it should all be flipped.

Another 3 minutes of intense smoking over low heat, and it was done. Already crisp, it came of the grill without flopping or dripping. I let the fire go another minute to burn off the fat and let everything drip into the pan. By that time, I had eaten two strips of the best bacon I have ever made, with about 16 more slices to go. During moments of intense concentration and excitement it is hard to judge time, but I guess that it took less than 15 minutes altogether.

And the clean-up? I still haven't done it, because there was nothing to do.

Disclaimer: This technique has not been tried over charcoal, or gas grills with fake briquettes, or non-stainless grates, etc. It is only endorsed on a stainless gas Weber with flavorizer bars. Also, the bacon was thick-cut.